Speculative Matters

ORLANDO, Fla. – My oldest son, a high school junior, asked me this morning as he read the scandalous reports blanketing the Internet, “Dad do you think Tiger Woods did it?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “All I really know is that Tiger Woods is great at golf. Other than that, I don’t know much.”

And it’s the answer I’ve given my boys whenever they’ve asked about the lives and character of star athletes, from LeBron James to Derek Jeter to Peyton Manning. I don’t know. I know they’re great at what they do, but that’s all.

Here’s what little I do know about Tiger. I know that his days hopping around Orlando somewhat under the radar without being bothered – to a Perkins rstaurant, Publix grocery store or an Orlando Magic game – are over. Paparazzi will trail Woods like Lindsay Lohan.

I know that my phone has been vibrating nonstop, and no one wants to know whether Tiger is fine. They want to know what in the world is going on.

I know that Tiger’s calling card for so long has been that he doesn’t screw up. He doesn’t screw up on the 72nd hole of big tournaments, he doesn’t screw up when it matters most and he damn sure doesn’t screw up off the golf course.

I know that if and when he does sit down to address the world, Golf Channel won’t be the only media outlet in attendance. They’ll all be there – CNN, ESPN, FOX, TMZ, Entertainment Tonight, NBC, ABC, CBS, the Huffington Post. And that’s the short list.

Here’s what I don’t know:

I don’t know if he was going to get diapers or if he was going to work out at 2:30 in the morning.

I don’t know if he was running from a heated domestic altercation.

I don’t know if the National Enquirer story alleging an affair is legitimate.

Only Tiger and those closest to him know.

I only know that Tiger Woods is a great golfer.

That’s it. That’s all I know.